Now I Am More Happy And I Wish I Was More Happy

Jeffrey Lewis “If Life Exists (?)”

This song is essentially a shrug of resignation: There is no logic to our emotions, our intellect is at the mercy of our brain chemistry, and we live moment to unpredictable moment. Nevertheless, it is not wholly negative or even sorta sad. If anything, there is a calm in this song, as though simply admitting that being human is fairly difficult, and that disappointments are frequent and crushing, and that no matter how hard you try you cannot control everything, just takes this huge weight off your back. It’s a relief, and it’s true. It’s easier to be hard on yourself and expect too much than to be calm and relatively free of neuroses, but it’s also less productive. That’s the trade off: Would you rather have the drive to always feel that you need to improve and have it motivate you to actually gradually become a better person, or do you want to be mediocre and content? I know what I choose, but if you read this site regularly, you probably have a sense of just how anxious I can get.

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