That Shake In My Voice

Car Seat Headrest “1937 State Park”

One of the many great things about Car Seat Headrest’s Teens of Denial is how the band rocks out in this very casual way that’s hard to come by in music released after the ‘90s. It’s not sloppy at all, but it has a very physical energy, kinda athletic in a way. They make playing a rock song sound like a fun activity, and listening to it gives a vicarious thrill that nudges you to mime along to the motions of playing the music in a non-ironic air guitar sort of way. I love that sensation, and it was such a big part of the rock music I bonded with in the early to mid 90s that listening to a record like this feels like going home again.

“1937 State Park” has the sound of something I would’ve loved when I was 13 – on a structural level it’s very Nirvana, but the vibe is a bit more early Pavement or Modest Mouse. But it also captures the feeling of being a particularly cynical and depressive sort of teenage boy, right on down to the line about avoiding graveyards because they’re a cliché of his “death-obsessed generation,” which is funny to me because I was exactly the sort of teen to extrapolate way too much from random people I knew just to find new ways to be snobby as an excuse to opt out of social situations. “Ah, I hate my generation, so obsessed with death!” Sure, dude! Whatever. Meanwhile you’re the guy singing about feeling a pressure to commit minor crimes so you can act out a “live fast, die young” narrative.

A lot of this song is a joke at a expense of the narrator, but it’s also totally heartbreaking because Will Toledo gives you so much emotional context for being this sort of mixed-up teen. He’s putting up all these walls, but he can’t hide his vulnerability no matter how hard he tries. The chorus kills me every time – “I didn’t want you to hear that shake in my voice / my pain is my own!” Again: I know this kid, I was this kid, I probably still am this kid. I know what it’s like to feel ashamed of feeling anything, and know how much energy can go into wanting all that to be private and trying to construct a better version of yourself for other people. From a bit of distance, it’s a comical thing to do, but when you’re inside that frame of mind, it’s just a survival instinct. It’s not always easy to learn that people are more likely to connect with the part of you that is crying as you walk home, especially not when you’re totally convinced that other people witnessing your weakness is the absolute worst thing that could happen.

Buy it from Amazon.