My Head Goes Clear

Helium “What Institution Are You From?”

If you pressed me at any point in the past 20 years or so to name the sexiest songs I know, this Helium track is one of the first things that would come to mind. A lot of it is in the bass groove and the thick, strange atmosphere of the recording. Some of it is in Mary Timony’s voice, which switches between this disaffected “cool girl” tone and a breathy, angelic tone. And I’d be lying to you if I didn’t admit that a bit of it had to do with the weird mix of anxiety and desperation in it, and the implication that this song could be coming from someone in a literal mental institution. There’s something very damaged and sordid and intense about this song, and that bleakness is kinda sexy to me.

The way Timony says the title phrase sounds very glib, very “whatever.” It could just be mean-spirited flirtation, a cruel parody of pick-up line. I love the way the verses are kinda aimless and dead-eyed, but the emotions become more urgent when the chorus clicks in. She’s basically singing about having a crush on someone you don’t really like and makes you feel bad, but you feel powerless around them and that is calming in some way. She’s indecisive, and unsure about how much agency she has in anything. “Everything that I do makes me want you,” she sings. “Aren’t I supposed to?” It’s not surprising to me now that I connected with this song so much as a teenager – it’s such a great evocation of having no idea what to make of your attraction to other people, and just figuring that all sorts of shitty feelings are just how it’s meant to be.

Attempt to buy it from Amazon.