July 17th, 2018 1:05am
Trapped In This Body
Radiohead “Bodysnatchers” (Live at Bonnaroo, 2006)
We have our ways of making songs what we want them to be. I’ve read the lyrics of “Bodysnatchers” and understand that it’s a paranoid fantasy about helplessness and living a lie, but I decided what this song was about for me 11 years ago. It’s all in one line: “I’M TRAPPED IN THIS BODY AND CAN’T GET OUT.” That line, in a song that sounds like trying to frantically shake your own skin off, is what I’ve connected to, and that’s because I so badly have needed that song to exist.
I saw Radiohead play this song for the first time since 2006 on Friday night. It came near the end of the best show I’ve ever seen them play, and one of the most powerful live experiences I’ve ever had in terms of being at a high level of emotional and physical connection to the music for such a sustained period of time. “Bodysnatchers” was the emotional pinnacle of the show, and shouting “I’M TRAPPED IN THIS BODY AND CAN’T GET OUT” along with Thom Yorke was an incredibly cathartic moment for me. I felt like I was letting go of an idea I’d been holding on to very tightly for most of my life.
In that moment, during that song and during this show, I didn’t feel trapped in my body at all. My movements, typically either rigid or self-conscious, were loose and intuitive. Not graceful, but comfortable. I came out of that show feeling like I’d reversed a hex I put on myself many years ago, if just by fully realizing how horrifying Yorke’s line really is and that I don’t have to live like that if I don’t want to.
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7/19/18 1:11 pm
wow. really great piece. i saw radiohead at a festival years ago and the show was great but it was sooo crowded and suffocating that i couldn’t enjoy myself that much. i’ve been anticipating to see Radiohead since i was a high school student, so that experience made me really doubt the value of “live experience” as a whole, but your piece reminded me how powerful experiencing certain song that means much to you played out in real time in front of you can be. so, thank you!
7/19/18 1:21 pm
Yeah, if you can find a way to not see them at a festival, you should go for that. The show I was talking about here was one where I was just out in a normal 200-level arena spot, and the show I saw two days earlier I was on the floor in the front. And while there was a lot to recommend to that experience, having more space to myself to move up in the 200 level made it easier to connect like I did.