My Guard Might Come Down Very Slow

Loud Family “Screwed Over By Stylish Introverts”

Matt LeMay organized a tribute concert to Scott Miller on Saturday night at Cake Shop in New York City, and I was there to contribute a brief reading of Scott’s brilliant music criticism. There were a lot of performances – AC Newman, Ted Leo, Doug Gillard, Charles from The Wrens, Jennifer O’Connor, Home Blitz, Matt himself – but the one that really stopped me cold was by Will Sheff, which I wasn’t really expecting since I’ve never been into his work. (No disrespect, just not really my thing.)

Sheff performed a cover of “Screwed Over By Stylish Introverts,” which immediately impressed me since it’s always been one of my favorite Miller compositions. His version, stripped of all the odd noises and flourishes of Miller’s studio recording, cut straight to the unbearable sadness of the lyrics. It’s odd, but it never really occurred to me how much of Scott’s lyrics were about depression, even despite the fact that he had songs with titles like “Slit My Wrists” and “Deee-Pression,” and one of his best known tunes has the chorus “I bet you’ve never actually seen a person die of loneliness.” But knowing now just how much he struggled with depression in his life, it’s very hard to get through a couplet like “You let me know that calling just because I’m lonely is completely rude / You could work this into a lecture to the starving not to beg for food.” It’s even worse on me because I recognize that sentiment all too well.

So now the entire Game Theory and Loud Family body of work has this new context for me, and a new resonance. If there’s a thread through all of it, some kind of greater narrative, it’s basically this one immensely articulate and highly cerebral man’s attempt to rationalize the most irrational parts of his mind, and the most agonizing aspects of being alive. A lot of the songs push in other directions, and celebrate both banal and extraordinary parts of life, but even then, he’s incredibly analytical or at some intellectual distance from his subject. I feel like I’ve known people like this in my life, and sometimes I’m the same way. So now I hear these old songs and I feel a sense of recognition, and a deep empathy.

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